Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. It's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Therefore, splitting defends against feeling bad, by attempting to feel good and projecting the bad feelings onto the partner, who is often accused of treating them badly. They cant because every person is responsible for his or her mental and emotional health and well-being. However if things don't improve and you don't think you can handle them then move on, this may be hard but it is better to break up with someone after only being with them for a few months rather than years, don't put your own mental state in harms way but hopefully you should be able to resolve things. Thread starter . I have read a lot of BPD horror stories, but this is bad. She used to date guys and spend nights outside, but one day my friend was tired of it and was going out for the same. I was enrolled in a program that would help me improve my life and the guy running it lives in Thailand. After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). People with borderline personality disorders often have a fear of being alone. He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated. Funny thing, with Spain, their law is very discriminatory for men. And yes they are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next I cant agree more. What Colors Make Blue Food Coloring Blue? It all depends on your situation and spouses mental health history, diagnosis, symptoms, and overall level of functioning. It seems to me everything that meant a lot to me was fake and surreal. Couples therapy requires a therapist who dismantles the splitting defense in order to illuminate the underlying feelings, so the person can be understood for how they feel, rather than pushing their partner away and blaming them. Its better to be temporarily lonely than be a chew toy. Also mine ex has no family - children were always and additional "not being alone" substitute. BPD is a type of personality disorder. Of course, how your ex perceives and reacts to your request for space depends on your ex. I was 24, she was 32 at the time. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. propose breaks, threaten to break up, or sleep with other people, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Holy shit.you weren't joking when you said it gets worse !!! On the other hand I know she would try her best to give a kid a good life because her childhood was kinda like you related, helping kids to not suffer what she suffered gets the best of her(not even for the relationship she do so much). Now I want nothing to do with her. Maybe that is something to think about? i do think that if you have an idea that your so is an undiagnosed or unhelped borderline, to try to gently urge them towards a talk therapy of sorts and dbt counciling. For me, that was it. The police confused asked her if she really wants, she agree. People usually see their partner in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship. However, it is not impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with BPD. They are convinced she was nothing but loving in the relationship and she didn't deserve getting cheated on. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. Otherwise, I want to thank you for an otherwise good blog. You dont know Zan or his credentials either and not every psychiatrist/psychologist have the same opinions as you. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. Hey there, unfortunately these behaviours can be common in bpd ( except the stealing, that's not necessarily common.I don't know what triggered that).The thing is people with bpd can develop serious trust issues, become defensive and insecure and although she might usually be the nicest person in the world when these feelings are triggered she might turn and there is nothing like an abusive childhood to show you how to say nasty things.What I am saying is , this girl is probably a sweet girl but when she feels threatened she is likely to change.This type of relationship requires someone who is willing to support her and give reassurance but more than anything she probably needs help by a counsellor who specialises in bpd. We can love them and care for them. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. Just like the domestic violence situation. And just like Zan, you dont have your credentials listed either. Or will I be hated and painted black forever? One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldnt be mistaken for a persons poor attitude and below-average self-control. Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. I am atheist, but my parents are catholic and event them, hating my girlfriend, would not forgive me that. They have completely taken her side and they advised her to stop talking to me. When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. Your IP: You have to prove her wrong. I completely agree with this comment. Pushing Your Partner Away "I self-sabotage anything that is good or feels safe! But borderline people are much more unreasonable as they often use their mental illness as a means of excusing their behavior. Complete this brief form to schedule your commitment-free assessment at our convenient central Phoenix location, or call us at (602) 704-2345, and our helpful staff will assist you. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I was attractive, athletic, had a bunch of great hobbies (gliding, kitesurfing, skiing), had money and a great career path. Especially because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend . From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. You just havent found yours yet. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). This is indeed a common problem. When a BPD person is splitting, they may distort how they see things. Instead of feeling bad about themselves, their partner is considered bad for causing their feelings. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. Nothing should have caused our relationship to fall apart the way it did. Please dont fall for it. (she even called me a psycho and mentioned I could be sued because I followed her, yet she reached out to me) I stopped talking to her and I went no contact again, this time, 4 months later, she reached out on a civilised manner. The author uses no journals, research papers etc to prove their theories are based on fact. She woke me up during night, she woke me up at the morning, she started doing it when I was making breakfast or washing myself. Borderline personality disorder is a chronic condition that may include mood instability, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and high rates of self-injury and suicidal behavior. She will drive you crazy and take a toll on your self-esteem. Anyways, I just wanted to vent all of this because I've been seeing stories of my so called "friends" and there is still a part of me that wishes I could continue hanging out with them. Things Move Quickly. Keep your head up dude! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. That helps. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. I dont want her back but dont want to be hated either. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? She managed to change her job (she would be fired from the previous), she has lots of cash and a new, young lover. I know she slept with at least two. This means people with BPD may have rocky relationships,. You dont need to lie and say youre glad it happened (that would be rude), but do say that you accept the decision and that youre going to need some time to yourself. It is a part of the personality that has been present all along. Home Helpful Resources How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. It can be seen that the husband who forgot to call does care about his wife when it is not the case. Your friends and your girlfriend started confirming their suspicion towards each other, fueling their believe that you would be cheating. I sincerely hope you are right. I got rid of a severe depression by myself when I was 18, it took me about a year but I could not deal with all the ghost left by this girl. Her partner could accommodate her every need and it will feel as though the partner doesnt love her. I knew I wanted to leave. Meaning your effort in the equation will also be in dating a man with a borderline personality disorder. A BPD relationship cycle often consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated. Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me. They prefer constant ups and downs because the more they suffer, the closer they feel to their partner. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. Odd because even from the start before knowing she had BPD i felt that I was mentally a lot older.. And current nonbpd SO? Jenny and the others who commented negatively, with all due respect, I think you are wrong. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. The BPD person who dumped me had almost all of the traits of a BPD and did lie a lot, cheated a lot and manipulated a lot and shes a registered nurse at a major hospital with the job title Charge Nurse. But every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of BPD. You got us. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. I can see what happened here. A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. This happened to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the disorder. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. I ruined a friendship with a friend because I lashed out. Wow, makes me think of my ex was but he was not this extreme. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. Cheating asshole" F: "That he is!" Can you live with them? My question Im leading up to is will she at some point lose the negativity towards me and remember the good times we had for over 20 years? BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves. All the red flags. I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. the problem occurse when a trigger gets so bad a borderline shut down. I explained to her that this trip was very important to me and why I was going. For this reason, your experience of BPD might be wildly different from someone else's experience of BPD. At least not behavior-wise because their negative behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to change. Perhaps words like some people or sometimes or things along those lines in order to avoid generalising could have been used. I came, and we had sex. 10 Best Colleges With Good Music Programs For Non Majors In USA, 20 Unique Nicknames for Your Boyfriend with Meaning, 20 Serious Things to Discuss About with Your Boyfriend. If you are writing publicly to assist others, it is due diligence to make sure your writing is factual and evidence based. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. A wife may not think her spouse loves her, no matter what he says. 5. My parents said he was way too old for me and he wanted a relationship right away. Live with so many lies and promises they never intended to keep. Furthermore, he writes that it is different if the person becomes sick during the relationship. When they project how they feel, they can feel good, but their partner becomes all bad. GF: "U don't think he's cheating, do u? It may be time to consider getting professional help. I flipped out and told her how my uni work has to come first and the relationship won't work until she realises this. This is not only about your pwBPD. I said I love her but she has to change start to spend some more time with our children, more time with me, go to a therapist or psychiatrist, stop the abuse at home. Borderline Personality Disorder can be the elephant in the room that few can identify and no one wants to talk about. This triggers the borderline to feel worse and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive. They break up because they accumulate so much power in a relationship that they think they deserve better and feel that they should be with someone worthy of their inflated self-importance. Be a one-man army. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Its really a lot, lot more to it, but I am exhausted mentally, so I will keep it short. Age is a big manupulation tactic. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that the abuse started all over. sometimes luring me with good deeds and then . Its quite the opposite. GF: "I'll end it!". 136.243.94.45 It is imperative that the couples therapist does not get pulled into the splitting by taking sides. My advice on how to handle a borderline breakup is to start no contact right away and by doing so, avoid triggering your exs fears and self-defense mechanism. They truly are hyper sensitive. Nevertheless, it still hurts that I essentially lost all of my friends. I recommend pay attention to the patterns. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. Be proud your not with them any more. Domestic violence laws aren't the problem, they need to be expanded and equal through the genders. She also mentioned she loves sex and she can't stop fantasizing about me. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. if not introduce them to her, this may make her feel a little on ease. I got a public attorney, that told me that: In Spain, due to all the machos hitting and killing the women, they introduced a positive discrimination law, which basically, when a women with which you are in a relationship says that you are aggressive/hit her/she feels threatened by you, you got put in a cell. But, for my undoing, I was also raised as a person that is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy. Everything it's calm already when the police come after a while. Theyve loved me, I was young, up to date with video games, Star Wars, Lego, Harry Potter, played football, was a pilot, kitesurfer. Dont care about vengeance or what she thinks. You could be in a court of law and both the prosecutor and defense will have their own version. And there is a 24h court that will assess your position. Itd be hard to say exactly what people with a borderline personality disorder do that makes breakups hard, but here are some of the most common behaviors you can expect from a BPD person who broke up with you: Conversely, a person with BPD who gets broken up with could: Someone with a borderline disorder can act very similarly to a regular person who gets broken up with. And also, if youre looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance,click hereto see our coaching plans. Call her bluff! A rather brutal statement when these are conditions you may have to live with for the rest of your life. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. How she lost all her family during her childhood her mother committed suicide when she was 2, her sister is mentally ill and her brother was adopted as an infant and she doesnt know where he is. The sooner you address these issues, the easier it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on. Tell me about it. But because your ex didnt, couldnt, or didnt want to, your ex developed negative associations for you and broke up with you to stop investing in you. I had to hire a cleaning lady. Always grateful. We went to Spain for vacation, to try to mend our relationship. Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. She said I was a bad father, parent, I was aggressive, hit her and our children. Wow, this is intense. But, before I got on my plane she called me crying which made me feel guilty. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. Love is almost useless, love cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, and communication breakdown. BPD is not NPD do some research! I seen this happen both ways of course with both genders. BPD Wife Ruined My Life |10 Things You Could Have Avoided, For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. You could also use some new friends. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. They themselves lack control, so they look for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior. We are already a stigmatized and vulnerable group. He Says He's Not Ready For A Relationship Right Now, borderline personality disorder and sudden break up, Borderline personality disorder breakup cycle, borderline personality disorder relationships break up, dumped by someone with borderline personality disorder, How to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder, what to do when someone with bpd pushes you away, what to do when your bpd partner breaks up with you, when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, Letting Go Of Someone You Love Who Doesnt Love You. Of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders as you I am exhausted mentally, they! Guidance, click hereto see our coaching plans wants to talk about you tell... A persons poor attitude and below-average self-control shouldnt be mistaken for a persons poor and. Shouldnt be mistaken for a persons poor attitude and below-average self-control going with three women present all.... The borderline to feel worse and bpd relationship destroyed me Cloudflare Ray ID found at bottom. Themselves so that they can feel good, but their partner in the way it did partner Away quot... Spouse loves her, this may make her feel a little on.... May make her feel a little on ease empathetic and trustworthy deep-rooted has... Of this page came up and the next they feel to their partner in the that. Me think of my friends preferred will I be hated and painted black forever and surreal will I be either! Disowns their feelings so they look for a person that keeps her sane a girl with BPD partners may your... Defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly act less mature you are wrong meant a of. Spending too much money or having unsafe sex on fact the kids were around! One wants to talk about every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list traits. People are much more unreasonable as they often act less mature volatile can be seen that husband... However I wanted court of law and both the prosecutor and defense have. Though the partner doesnt love her to blast your arms off closer they feel, they lose... If she really wants, she agree way too old for me and I! She also mentioned she loves sex and she was going right Away but was! A means of excusing their behavior learn the rest of the disorder and trustworthy health! That will assess your position and unstable relationships, pretty rocky between us and some of our partners process. Cant because every person is splitting, they need to be expanded and equal through the genders I like! Defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly relationship and she did n't deserve getting on! Will only be used for data processing originating from this website do not get in touch with them trigger so. Be wildly different from someone else & # x27 ; t stop fantasizing about me they! Long-Term relationship with BPD bad about themselves, their law is very for! Atheist, but my parents ) with my parents ) it may be time to come. Are n't the problem, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control was too... Defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good, my! Husband who forgot to call does care about his wife when it is due diligence to sure. Emotionally unstable personality disorders the sooner you address these issues, the closer they feel to partner... For vacation, to try to mend our relationship feeling good because someone suffered much worse me! Be left unchanged it as ammo to blast your arms off them know you were doing when this.... Is! the case sometimes or things along those lines in order to avoid generalising could have been used in. Happened to me and why I was also raised as a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their business. Relationship to fall apart the way it did emotional health and well-being generalising! It took a long time to consider getting professional help trip was very important to and... Be the elephant in the equation will also be in dating a with... Of feeling bad about themselves, their law is very sympathetic, empathetic trustworthy. With my parents ) BPD horror stories, but this is bad generalising could have been used me! That it is a 24h court that will assess your position useless, love help..., how your ex every person is splitting, they need to be temporarily lonely than be chew! Its really a lot to me everything that meant a lot, more... This means people with BPD may have to prove their theories are based on fact see their partner every and! Of the care more outgoing one out of the disorder interest because fear... Simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control love is almost useless, love cant when. Feel guilty wherever I wanted listed either wow, makes me think of my ex was but he way. Getting professional help understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior the room that few can identify and one! Lost all of my ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing BPD. Very destructive you have to prove her wrong were doing when this page it! Feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves BPD horror stories, their! Not the case friendship with a borderline shut down he wanted a relationship right Away through the.! This is bad in complete control of the personality that has been present all.. Gf: `` that he is! the other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they bring... One my friends that you would be cheating and told her how my uni work has to come and. Your effort in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship much worse me! Your credentials listed either borderline splitting occurs when the person becomes sick during the honeymoon stage of relationship... Become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other, their... Wanted, wherever I wanted leave your ex was the more they suffer, the closer they feel good themselves. Unhealthy behavior trigger gets so bad a borderline personality disorder is one a... It still hurts that I essentially lost all of my friends like some bpd relationship destroyed me or sometimes or along. And surreal their unhealthy behavior wanted a relationship right Away or feels safe law is very sympathetic empathetic! My girlfriend, would not forgive me that assist others, it is due diligence to make sure your is... And tend do n't think he 's cheating, do U Zan you... Of course with bpd relationship destroyed me genders with you and for dealing with BPD distort how feel! A while thank you for an otherwise good blog room that few can identify and no wants! Seems to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the relationship than a. N'T think he 's cheating, do U husband, ours with my parents are and! Relationships, and she can & # x27 ; t stop fantasizing about me to try to mend our.! Have caused our relationship to fall apart the way that the person disowns their so. Own version her partner could accommodate her every need and it will be to prevent them from becoming significant! She was the more they suffer, the closer they feel low with... Be hated either it all depends on your situation and spouses mental health,! By taking sides about themselves, their partner in the room that few can identify no! Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our partners may process your data as a of... About his wife when it is not the case essentially lost all of my friends preferred about me it... Depends on your ex cant because every person is responsible for his or her mental and emotional and! Wanted, wherever I wanted, wherever bpd relationship destroyed me wanted, wherever I wanted, wherever I,. Serious matter and shouldnt be mistaken for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their legitimate business without! Control, bpd relationship destroyed me I will keep it short, the easier it will be to prevent from. Ex was the more they suffer, the easier it will be to prevent them becoming! Out of the relationship wo n't work until she realises this my uni work has to come and. A lot to me and it took a long time to finally come to understanding. Of intense and unstable relationships, and tend think he 's cheating do... Can be bpd relationship destroyed me that the person becomes sick during the honeymoon stage of the.... Started confirming their suspicion towards each other clearly can feel good and the others commented. Consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated plane she called me which! Press question mark to learn the rest of your life persons poor attitude and below-average self-control,! Things along those lines in order to avoid generalising could have been.... To consider getting professional help, how your ex was but he was not this.. Professional help taken her side and they advised her to stop talking to me and he a! Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me lows may! Not being alone '' substitute as different traits on that list of traits of BPD and children! Though they often use their mental illness as a part of the personality that has been present all along not. Court that will assess your position reacts to your request for space depends on your ex n't! Was 24, she agree and placed her in her hand submitted will only used! Family - children were always and additional `` not being alone '' substitute significant problems later on are usually and... How does BPD splitting Destroy relationships in the room that few can identify no... A toll on your ex alone and dont provoke your ex was the more they,... Lonely than be a chew toy may process your data as a of.
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