At around 5 to 7 years of age, the opposite happens, but usually not as extreme, since the child is older. Play games together with both her and her if needed. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. She is breastfed but dh has been been But he just doesnt seem to need me. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. Ive been the only person that has been able to put her to sleep or take her anywhere alone aside from her father. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. January 26, 2013. Paula, I saw in other posts you said 8 and 9 months are very sensitive times Will you please explain what you mean? Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . Much more effective than disciplining a child. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. you cant help it. This can be incredibly painful and worrying for the parent not in favor, but in most cases this is part of the babys development process. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. I know a significant factor in my issues with my son was my inability to bond because of my terrible adjustment to being a mother/post partum depression. Laura, youre not silly, youre human! I feel your pain. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. Shes always been an independent and active baby, thoughlikes playing on the floor by herself, doesnt always want held. You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. Offensively taken, it means that im not a good mother!? Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. hi, im a mom and i have a problem with my son 17 months oldthat when he gets hurt or fall down and starts to cry he doesnt come to me ,he wants anyone but me .if his dady was available he wants to go to him even if another strange person was available he goes to him and leave me when i try to hold him. Take care of yourself during this time. I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. i just feel like a bad parent coz as soon as my partner comes home my daughter is all smiles again, so she makes me out to be a lier. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. I dont know what to do. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. When we come home from work he just looks to his dad happily and seems like im not ther, it was so dissapointing and depressing. I am so confused and sad. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. Any idiot can get pregnant but being a loving mother is something entirely different. knowing or hoping that there is an end in sight gives me great joy. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. Push her away and put your foot down. And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. And I would say it is actually a good sign. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? I am searching high and low for a place away from her. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. A couple of things helped: 1) we play her favorite music at very loud volume during the feeding to distract her, 2) we make sure to feed her before she gets very hungry so that she is still in a good mood, 3) we make sure my husband, the caregiver, always gives her the bottle, and 4) we keep trying at different times if she doesn't take the i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. Pls help. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. Therefore, dont think of it as spoiling her if your husband is carrying her around. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? I am already so worried how my baby will cope with me being away for 4 weeks at a time . But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. Well, they dont know each other yet! So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. All she needs is her grandparents or father. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. I have stopped taking leaves when my baby falls sick because my MIL is all that she needs and all that I end up doing is washing the diapers and cleaning the house,cooking. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. Fellow mommy Im very concerned about you. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Babies react in different ways when mom (or dad) suddenly starts working. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. Go swimming, play in the snow, go to the playground or just do something together that both of you enjoy. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Hi all. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. so its my mom or her caretaker. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? thanks for listening to my views. So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. Consider your overall financial picture. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. it is breaking my heart. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. The comment that bothered me if the grandmother taking over being the mother. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. Very hard, even. She should be proud to have raised such a loving mom. Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. Im in need of some help here. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. We have not been physical with each other for 5 years, actually it only happened the once and I got pregnant. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. He also loves his father and grandmother. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. Take your baby for a casual walk. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. 1. It is absolutely not worth bringing a child into this world if you are not prepared to take care of it properly. And you know what? My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. My partner is the light of his life. Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. please give me some advice. Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. I understand what you are saying about your little girl. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). Can a baby NOT like their mom? Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. have lost joy in the time with my other son I feel like I just resent him and my husband for being able to make him happy. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. During these 15 minutes, focus only on your son and on showing him interest and love. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? I was also baffled as to why my husband ,who sees him so much less and could go off for a week on business, would be preferred over me. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. 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